Tuesday Thesis: 4/22/25

Welcome to the very first Tuesday Thesis. What is it? Well, as my old art teacher used to day, “show don’t tell.” (My art teacher was later arrested for public indecency.)

Today’s thesis: You can’t have a ‘Yes’ without a very good ‘No.’

One of the most unfortunate aspects of modern internet culture is just how much we have to interact with people we did not initially decide to talk to. An idiotic comment at the end of an interesting article. A Facebook screed from a person you thought was normal before the election. A reply guy popping up in your comments with a lateral-quality alt to your joke tweet. That relative always DMing you a clip of Russell Brand talking about baptism.

A lot of the time, this leads to an argument that circles the drain until one or both people are too tired or have to go pick the kids up from school. “See you next news cycle!”

There are some ways to circumvent this, like finding a source where you can see your opponents’ talking points. [Note: in the full Sunday Service email we break down talking points!] Most of the people you are going to encounter have learned about the news the same way you may have — someone they agreed with explained the news to them and now they’re mad and have 2-4 semi-statistical things they can use to prove they’re right.

This can feel emotionally satisfying, or even like a slow march of moral justice. But in reality, the best way to win the game is not to play. I know some kind-hearted or Sorkin-pilled readers will bristle at that, but stick with me — and watch this:

I freaking love this. Regardless of the POVs of these two people. Buuuuuut taking a second to look at these two people… mamma mia! A guy with a “my pronouns are Find/Jesus” shirt who I assume hasn’t at all thought through the idea of that his grammatical ‘object’ pronoun is Jesus, leading to sentences like “Can someone from campus security please help me, Jesus won’t stop trying to get me to do his clickbait man on the street videos.” And on the other side, a guy who looks like most of my friends in high school and I’m guessing has some strong thoughts on whether or not 3D-printed Warhammer 40k figures “are real.”

What is so freeing about this is the joy with which Warhammer Guy just does not engage in what he knows up front is a bad-faith argument designed to get clips for social. He knows what it is, he knows what he believes, and he also knows there is no obligation to take the bait.

This drives home a point that is crucial to remember if you want to live through this moment in time without cortisol levels so high that the DEA classifies your blood Schedule II: you don’t have to debate anyone. Unless you’ve been Quantum Leaped into the body of Abraham Lincoln (then, not now — yikes) you do not in fact have to meet every challenge of your beliefs with patient and measured debate.

“But… how will I change hearts and minds? We have to talk to people we disagree with! This guy who used to date my friend from college keeps posting on my Facebook every time I share something!” Listen, beloved strawman (straw-person? straw-reader?), you have a life. You have things to do, people to love, tv shows to miss because you were looking at your phone and now you have to click back 10 seconds but — gah you looked at your phone again! Are you going to finish The Pitt or what?!

So I worked in youth ministry in another life, and often this sentiment would come up. [Editor’s Note: oh yeah, I was a youth minister and a seminarian, should probably write about that somewhere.] The idea that you can’t just let it go, because someone needs to be shown the light and that’s you and back down the rabbit hole you go. In those situations, what a good youth minister would say is a fairly harsh, “You ain’t Jesus!” (As we all know, Jesus is in the campus cafeteria trying to get the lunchlady to say if Covid was a lab leak or intentional bioweapon.)

You are not going to save the randos commenting on your pages, particularly via internet posting back and forth. Drive over to their house, talk to them, break their tv remote so they can only watch Turner Classic Movies — the point is, you gotta do something if your goal is actual change.

But that only works if you’re talking to someone you know and that person is actually defending an idea. In that video a few paragraphs back, there is absolutely zero effort to have a good faith exchange of ideas. It’s a trap. You are gonna run into traps, and now 800 words after bringing it up let’s land back at the thesis: say No.

“RFK actually has some valid points on calorie cou—” No. I am not interested in this conversation. No thank you.

“That guy in El Salvador has MS-13 knuckle tatto—” No. No thank you.

“Tariffs are how we get jobs back in Ame—” Nah. Nah. I’m out.

In all of these cases, you could launch into fact-based, patient, historically-contextualized arguments that rest on a cogent understanding of reality. And in all of these cases, you would be wasting your time. The people making these arguments have agency, and yet over almost a decade they have never developed the habit of “looking up what is actually happening.” And like our Warhammer friend, the only sane move is to step back, reject the framing, and live squarely in reality.

RFK is a guy who tortured animals, did heroin, and is accused of multiple assaults. Also, he cheated on his wife so much — and kept a notated diary of his cheating — than when his wife found it, she hung herself. Because we live on Earth and not in a Joe Rogan podcast, this is important context to use to judge the ideas of a guy whose least insane opinion is, “I should do deadlifts at the gym in blue jeans.” You may be more lenient than me, but my over/under for “spouses you have led to the death of” is 0.5! This is also why you never saw me advocate for HHS Secretary OJ Simpson.

I have no idea if Kilmar Abrego Garcia is in MS-13. I know the President of the United States held up a photoshopped picture of his knuckles in the Oval Office. (At least this time he didn’t use a Sharpie.) But to quote Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive, “I don’t care.” It isn’t relevant to me, or even to SCOTUS, if this guy is good or bad, that’s how due process works. You don’t need due process for people you like! He could have knuckle tattoos that spell out CRIM INAL and he still gets due process!

Tariffs… you know what, you get this one. Tariffs are so dumb no one has been in love with them for 100 years, which is the precise amount of time in history for bad ideas to come back because everyone who could scream at you “noooo, don’t!” is dead.

MAGA-world has weaponized your / my / our desire for and belief in spirited debate. Because when only one side’s actually playing, it’s a great way to wear them down and make them feel like they’re losing it. You are playing golf, and they’re whacking balls at a driving range left-handed to try to hit the retreiver cart.

Save your energy. And your sanity. And if it’s all too much… call on Jesus. Which one is up to you.