Hi. Okay I’m going to guess we aren’t in the same mental place, because you skipped the speech and I didn’t, because you’re smart and I’m dumb.

BUT!

Let’s do some immediate reactions and scrabble together these assorted thoughts into something cool and smart!

Trump didn’t have a plan, so he put on a show.

Trump’s cratering on the economy. And tonight, if there was a plan, this was the time to have a plan and lay it out and salvage the midterms. In fact, Trump said this was going to be a midterm message preview.

And… well…. there wasn’t a whole lot of economic plan to preview.

He spent two minutes on affordability??? The thing voters say is most important? And the thing he’s like thirty points underwater on? He basically said “I FIXED IT ALREADY, SO I CAN MOVE ON.” So what did he do? He did two big things, and you are NOT going to guess what they are. Seriously. Make a guess. Write it down and fold the paper in half. Then read down. Because he

Handed out awards to as many people as he could (even surprise reuniting a woman with her kidnapped-and-freed uncle live on camera).

Aaaaaand…

BRUTALLY DESCRIBING MURDERS AND VIOLENCE.

Yes. Not like once or twice. Like ten times. Like more descriptions of violence than Acts Of John Wick Movies [Combined]. Described a woman being stabbed to death on a bus with her grieving mother in the audience. Spent a ton of time on the blood of a soldier’s shattered leg rolling across the floor of a helicopter. And on and on and on. And it’s not surprising — Trump’s brain ossified in the 1980s (let me remind you, when he was in his forties!) and in the 80s:

All those things are just locked in for Trump. So grisly violence, enemies at the gates, guys in a war getting their legs blown up, women being murdered by immigrant strangers… he loves this shit. Loves it a lot more than trying to come up with a plan for how to make America profitable — a thing he has never been able to do at any of his other businesses [a thing I think people forget too often?].

Either because he knows it, or because the people around him know it, there’s a real tone of “Grandpa’s last ride” to this Trump term. And making the SOTU into two things he really likes — hosting an awards show and telling grisly stories — instead of doing anything to head off a wave election feels like throwing up your hands and hoping.

The handing out awards, the wave of people with stories told and medals given, was something. But it was… noticeably not “you telling me how I’m gonna stop being broke.” Everything else, after the tiny mention of the economy and the standard tweet fare (hating trans people, rigging elections) is just standard tweet stuff.

So if you ask me my grand summation of the SOTU this year, it is…

He don’t got the juice.

I’ve watched so many Trump campaign speeches. Long long speeches. Speeches with crazy stuff, with actual jokes, with everything. This is not what gets part of that 60% who disapprove to come back. This is the midterm message?! Friggin YIKES!

This is just… he’s old, man. He’s not who he was. Biden did this and the Democrats in power lied to themselves and said he was fine and it was fine and actually the economy was good. And that’s happening again with Trump.

Okay, other assembled thoughts below. Also, if you liked this, please subscribe!

Dems did lots of protesting and yelling. This is where politicians need to be more like comedians. You gotta hit Trump where it hurts — if you’re sitting in there and Trump’s lying, getting mad is giving them lib tears. You gotta laugh. Nelson from the Simpsons laugh. Hard, short, and derisive. And too short to really boo or get mad about. Just a nice little “HA-HA” after a crazy line.

I think you're going to see a lot of pearl-clutching horror from the Concerned Grave-Voiced Cable Hosts and Columnists about this thing. Because it was rude and gross and bad. But… bro cooked.

I really thought we would get upbeat rally trump spinning gold, telling you everything was gonna be great, to hold on just a little longer and you’d see how rich you’d all be.

There was almost an hour of Trump describing acts of violence in incredibly grisly detail. The only thing I can compare it to is American Carnage Trump.

This again is a Biden redux but… the problem with telling everyone that the economy is good, prices are low, and everyone’s making money is that Americans can immediately tell you if that’s true for them or not.

The hockey boyz — gold-medal fumblers of goodwill — didn’t have to sit through the speech, they walked in, destroyed their post-2028 credibility, and left.

If someone tuned in for JUST the first 30 minutes of this speech, they got “Economy is fixed, America is hot, check out this hocket team.”

I believe the order was this:

1. No, America, you're actually doing GREAT financially.

2. See that hocket team?

3. We got the Olympics and World Cup coming.

4. Here's a list of my guests and their stories.

Trump’s immigrant chunk was almost stunningly racist… if you’ve never listened to a Stephen Miller speech before. You know it’s a Miller chunk because it openly disdains the idea brown people can immigrate to America, but also because it contains a rhetorical trap worthy of a junior-high speech and debate club: “Stand up if you believe the first duty of the government is to protect Americans and not illegal aliens.”

What if the first duty of the the United States Government is… not that binary? What if it’s to defend and expand freedom at home and abroad? What if the first duty is to get out of people’s lives and let them chase their manifest destiny? What if our government’s first duty is to defend the Constitution? Truly dumb shit to fall for this, and the Democrats did not, they just sat there [not doing the Nelson laugh — you fools!].

Also, again, if you don’t live in an info bubble, America has very strongly weighed in on how they feel about ICE and immigration and deportations right now! They no likey! Not where you should probably be leaning in!

Those are my thoughts. Back to normal stuff tomorrow.